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Lessons.
Author: The Magic Rat
Rating: G
Fandom: Team Fortress 2
Pairing: Sniper/Scout (implied)
Warnings: Nothing I can think of.
Word Count: 285
Website – Ex Libris: http://www.winter-wood.net/ex-libris/index.html
Live Journal - http://delaese.livejournal.com/profile
Disclaimer: All TF2 characters, places and situations are the property of Valve and are used without permission and without intent of plagiarism or profit. Copyright for all stories and original characters is with the author, and may not be published, copied, distributed or archived without the author’s prior written consent.
Summary: Wolfgang teaches Amethyst to speak.
Author’s notes: This is me using all the German I know. If I got it wrong, forgive me. The German who taught me all these useful phrases has since passed away.
Amethyst sat perched awkwardly on his haunches, lethal claws dangling as he sat up like a puppy, blank silvery eyes focused on the treat in Wolfgang’s hand. The German Medic smiled at his pupil, treat held aloft, and spoke slowly and clearly.
“Gut morgin.”
A clear inner eyelid slid rapidly back and forth over the blank eyes, like a camera shutter, the computer-enhanced brain working, creating new pathways to the badly damaged brain. After a few moments, Amethyst spoke.
“Gut morgin.”
“Gut!” Wolfgang awarded his pupil the treat – a bacon-stuffed mushroom cap. James Nobel had been mad about them when he was human; having been turned into Amethyst had done nothing to dull his passion for them. Wolfgang picked up another mushroom and held it aloft, Amethyst’s attention focused on his reward.
“Ich liebe dich!”
The inner lid slipped back and forth. Amethyst wobbled slightly, and cocked his head.
“Ich liebe dich.”
“Gut! Who ist a gut boy, hmm?” Wolfgang gave him the mushroom, then picked up another and held it aloft. “Ich bin ein wellensittich!”
Across the room, a lean leggy form seated in a chair lowered his newspaper and stared sourly at the Medic.
“All right, I may not speak a lot of German, but “I am a budgie” is hardly a useful phrase,” said Jake.
“Vell you never know vhen it vill be useful to insist you are one, either,” said Wolfgang. “Let us try another. Mein kline bratwurst.”
“Wolfie,” said Jake, “I thought Ted asked you to teach him to speak.”
“Ja, und zat is vhat I am doing.”
“I think he meant he wanted you to teach Amethyst to speak English.”
Wolfgang grinned evilly. “Vhere is zer fun in zat?”
Got bored of drawing in livestream, decided to try and draw all the classes with my eyes closed.
BEAUTIFUL.
I love how Sniper doesn’t look too far off and Demoman is suddenly a cyclops.
THIS IS THE BEST FAN ART IN THE HISTORY OF FAN ART! EVERYBODY ELSE GO HOME!
Since I have absolutely NO doubt whatsoever that the person I’m discussing will be reading this I am going to start this by saying I have a friend who lives roughly eight blocks away from you who will be more than happy to walk a letter over to your daddy while he is out working in the yard and you are hiding in your troll-cave, letting him know all the cute little games you have been up to if you retaliate. One shitty little fic, one ugly little trope, one bitchy little fandom secret, one nasty little post, one anonymous troll-note, by either you or any of your little friends, and I bring this right to your front door. Because I am sick to damn death of you sticking your little troll ass out of the computer and taking a shit in the real life world of myself and other people. Do unto others, get it done unto you, toots. And this is NOT an attempt to get you to pay attention to me, because Sunshine believe me, the further you get away from me the better. And if you had LEFT ME THE HELL ALONE then I wouldn’t be posting this.
This long-ass troll rant shall be in three parts – what she did to me, what she did to some friends of mine and people I barely know, and where to find her crap. And then I am DONE with this entire situation.
I’m gonna try to make this long story as short as I can, because I could seriously write a freaking book. As you all know Rei/Dwarrow Child/Doktor Girlfriend and I were best friends. As a few of you know, we are no longer best friends. We are no longer friends of any kind. I would even go so far as to state I personally think a year of therapy wouldn’t do her any harm. It probably wouldn’t do her any good either but I digress.
In 2010 (told ya it was long) my finances improved to the point where I could start planning things like trips. And I wanted to do two things – go see my family in Holland and go to Dragon Con in Atlanta, Georgia. And naturally since my BFF lived there, I made plans for us to go together. OMG! YAY! So in October of 2010 I booked the trip, bought con tickets, booked the hotel room, and bought tickets to the Georgia Aquarium to go swim with the basking sharks because basking sharks rule. So fine. I’m excited, she’s excited, all is good. Me and Rei were going to Dragon Con and we were gonna see us some damned big fishies.
By Christmas I had the distinct feeling some shit was going on behind my back. We had a role playing game called the RPG of Doom. Over time we stopped playing in it. No RPG last forever, she said she was sick of the characters. Fine. That happens. I asked her if she would maybe want to try an original RPG with all new characters. Well gosh golly gee SURE she would! But she would just need to think. Hmmm…
That was lie one. She had no intention of playing anything with me. But she was still playing with other friends. Just not me. See that was what got to me; she refused to play with me any more while bitching to me about how crappy her other rpgs were while telling me also she’s gonna play with me she just has to think. But she refused to discuss it in any way and just kept leading me on. Why? Because she’s fucking gutless and wouldn’t talk about whatever the hell was going on.
Then Rei was hinting that Deani might come to the con but seriously if she does it will just be for like lunch or something. Totally. It’s just gonna be us, BFFs 4EVAR! Then suddenly “Yes she’s coming and her friend is paying for it and OMG Y U SO DEFENSIVE?! WE WERE GONNA TELL U!” Well maybe because I’m paying for the whole shot because you’re unemployed and you’re plotting shit behind my back about stuff that directly impacts my trip and now I can’t help but wonder where exactly it is Deani thinks she’s gonna be staying if she’s coming up to the con with no money. Cuz if she thought it was in MY 300 dollar a night room she had another think coming.
So fine I’m not impressed but frankly this isn’t the first time I’ve had a friend do something stupid and inconsiderate. And it’s not like I’ve never done some dumb-ass shit, and friends forgive each other. Life goes on. Then in February 2011 I got sick, and this is when it got ugly. One thing you have to keep in mind is I thought I was dying. I was weak, I was dizzy, I was losing blood, my life was nothing but tests and analysis and talk of lumps and fissures and cancer and stroke and a lot of really ugly stuff. I could barely sit up. I was scared to DEATH because I THOUGHT I WAS DYING. And yeah I was whiny and clingy and probably not a lot of fun to hang with but I THOUGHT I WAS DYING.
At this point Rei has decided that she hates Metal fandom and everybody in it and she’s gonna make a new shiny LJ and of COURSE she would let me know when it was up! We were BFFs!
That was another lie. She set up the LJ all right. She just never intended to invite me or tell me. Even when I asked flat out if it was up yet. “Oh no, not yet! And gosh golly gee we’ll start that new rpg real soon!” I had to find out on my own that she set it up and wouldn’t tell me.
This was the point when she forbade me to play with Lyall and Erick any more. She told me it was because she was going to put them in an OF but even at the time I knew it was because she was getting shit from her One Twu Wuv about “OMG HOW DARE YOU LET HER PLAY WITH YOUR MARY-SUES I MEAN OCS!” And yes, darling Rei, pulling them and forbidding me to play with them because of emotional attachment and personal projection by your own definition makes them sues. Congratulations, you’re a suethor. Keep that in mind the next time you go sending your sanctimonious little letters to poor sad little suethors you feel it is your duty to save from themselves.
So I’m stressed and upset and NAHT at my most rational because I’m DYING and my fucking BFF is playing mind games with me and is now barely speaking to me as well for reasons I have YET to understand because I sure as shit wasn’t doing anything to her. In fact the ONLY time she talked to me was when she wanted presents, and then she was all sweetness and pie. There was not a MagiStream doni pet she lacked, a set of black pearl jewellery, and some My Little Pony figures I bought for her while I was in Holland. Oh and she was more than happy to help me sort out what pieces of my jewellery she wanted BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING DYING. And I would ask her to be there for me when I got back from the doctor because I was scared out of my tree and she never was. At least not for a few hours and OMG she was SO SORRY she just forgot. Oh this is also the point when she started dropping hints that she was just EVAR so worried her Daddy Dearest might not let poor widdle Rei go to Dragon Con because you know how HE is. Why he might get mad and not let her show up (except for a few minutes to get the pearls and the ponies) and she’s just so WORRIED about it!
So this is how Dragon Con would have gone down had gone had I shown up. Rat pays for the hotel, plane tickets, con tickets, aquarium tickets, and random con-related bits of awesome. At the last moment Rei’s big mean daddy refuses to let her go, leaving Rat alone in a strange city with a $4500 bill and no one to play with but chances are INCREDIBLY good that while Rei is supposed to be locked in her bedroom by her mean ol’ Daddy that Rat sees her running around with Deani Bean dressed as the Doktor from TF2 and using the ticket Rat paid for to get in.
Can we say shitty? Underhanded? Back-stabbing? I knew you could.
Now the only defence I have for letting this garbage go on is I was sick, I was freaked out, and my morale was in the toilet. I was not making rational decisions, I was just plain scared. Even after they found out what was wrong with me and fixed it I was still really shaken, and the fact that someone I trusted implicitly and absolutely adored was fucking with my head had me pretty messed up. But I got to Holland, weak and messed up as I was, and THAT ladies and gentlemen is where the shit hit the fan because I got a tattoo. A stupid little tattoo (done by one of the best guys in the country and OMG is it awesome – the gnome is barely two inches high and SHE has her OWN arm tattoo!) that was supposed to represent the people in my life having my back, namely my best friend.
Well the bitch freaked. She would NOT talk to me on YIM, instead she sent me these fucked up emails starting with how I had just shattered her trust and she could never trust me again and she had to go to bed for DAYS she was just so UPSET. She was going to Dragon Con ALONE and oh well I could show up if I wanted to (nice of her to give me permission to show up at a public event) but she would be with her FRIENDS and not horrible horrible ME who was trying to sabotage her wuv affair with Deani and freeze her in time (that’s some tattoo, don’t you agree?) and stop her from moving on with her life!
These emails were written by at least two different people. I’m sure she was taking lots of advice on how to be as nasty as possible and even my son could tell at least two different people were writing the letters. I do know she was desperate to get me to admit to having some sort of ulterior motive – which I didn’t. I don’t troll. (Okay there was that one time but I plead Act of Mercy for the rest of the comm, srysly) The truth of the matter is if I have a problem with someone I ASK them about it. And sunshine I don’t HAVE to sabotage ANYTHING you are involved in because you are quite capable of doing that yourself. And I realize you wanted me to somehow fall to my knees and confess that yes I was out to destroy your life because it would make your little conscience clear but I do NOT confess to things I did not do. I wasn’t out to hurt you in the least. Pity you can’t say the same with all the crap you did to me. Was really precious when you mounted your little white-washed high-horse made of shit and said you would pay me back for the money I spent. Yeah because I am totally going to hold my breath waiting for some unemployed bitch who never leaves her room to pay me the 500 plus bucks she cost me in cancellation fees.
I gave the ponies to my daughter-in-law’s sister’s kids, and the pearls stay with me.
So that’s what you did to me – you lied and you backstabbed and you planned to get rid of me from behind my back because you “wanted to move on with your life”. (Insert hand to brow here.) Lemme send you a reality check, sunshine. Dumping people who loved you and changing your on-line name and joining 500 groups and comms is not a life. It’s hiding from the fact that you are too fucking gutless to take control of your existence, and that at age 25 you speak of your life in the past tense and whine about how if you come out of the closet your daddy won’t love you is pathetic. So when you were telling Deani what a vicious fucking cunt I am did you mention that I had offered to give you money to move to your aunt’s house? That I even offered to give you a plane ticket to go to California to BE with her? That I was trying to help you get out of what you claimed was a bad situation and you turned me down? No of COURSE not because then precious baby Rei is no longer the victim! And precious baby Rei must at all times be the victim!
Anyway I tried to be the adult and get over it. I posted in my LJ that Lyall and Erick would be moving on to the world of OF and any feelings on what you had done I put in a small locked post where my friends – my REAL friends – advised me to take the high road and forget about you. And that is just what I tried to do. And when I got a note from the publisher in England advising me sharply that they had been informed that I was writing fan fiction so no they would NOT be taking my book, thank you very much, I said nothing because I had no proof it was you, even thought the suspect list of people who knew I had sent a book to that publisher and also knew I was worried they would find out I wrote fan fiction was a damned short one. Besides, I had other things to worry about, like why my Steam account defied fixing regardless of what I did. Then someone pointed out to me that it had been hacked and trashed.
Gee, hmm, who did I know who knew my pass words and was also terrified that I might actually join a game in a server she was on and GASP upset her poor fragile widdle girlfriend by PLAYING with you?
Again I said nothing, because I had no proof. But as I said, the suspect list was short.
Time went on. I was invited by several people in Team Fortress 2 fandom to join Tumblr and play with them. I resisted for two reasons – Tumblr makes my brain hurt and I knew that’s where YOU were. And believe me I was not and AM not anxious to go anywhere near you. On the other hand I’m not keen on trying to live my life around you. So I joined, - Dec. 25th in fact - and have spent several days making myself insane trying to figure it out. However – within HOURS of joining, not weeks, not days, HOURS, somebody sent a PM to my LJ using an LJ they had just made for that purpose, then deleted immediately afterwards so I couldn’t track the ISP addy. The message told me that they knew who I was and what I had done and to stay the fuck out of THEIR fandom.
And THAT is when I decided that I had quite enough of swallowing the shit out of your ass and calling it ice cream. The only reason I didn’t post this SOONER is because I didn’t want a big ol’ flame sitting in the middle of my friends’ Yule. And this leads us to part two – what you did to my friends and other people around LJ.
I would like to start this section by saying that all this shit that came out of Rei’s mouth began with the phrase “Deani Bean says”. So, uh, Deani? Yeah, watch your back because when she decides you’re no fun anymore, guess who’s gonna be left wearing all her crap? “Oh I didn’t say that! Deani did!”
Xixthe – Remember her? Remember the Dethkomic? Remember how awesome it was, how beautiful the art was, the awesome characterization? Remember how sad we were when she vanished from LJ and took down the komic? Yes well that would be because darling precious Rei was going around telling people that Xixthe was such a raging alcoholic that she fell off the wagon every other week and had to be hospitalized. And if you will remember – Xixthe had put Rei’s character Birget IN the komic. Xixthe LIKED Rei. She liked her characters. And it earned her a knife in the back. BTW Rei – not that you give a shit but that IS the kind of thing that can leak into Real Life an affect a person’s job. I’m sure you would care if you ever left your room. Or had a Real Life.
Hallo Katzchen – remember how she was trolled almost right off the net? Apparently she “had it coming”. Hallo also apparently lied about her sister dying just to get out of paying back some money and finishing a commission.
Tod_Hollykim – is delusional and lives near a mental hospital because she is an out patient. She also roleplayed Pickles/Nathan sex in front of director John Schnepp, causing him to swear that he would do all he could to make sure Nathan and Pickles never had a storyline of their own again. This led to me to sending him a letter of apology on behalf of all Metal fans because not all of us were crazy. I later asked Hollkie about the matter and she said “Uh, never happened, I know better, and at no point was I ever even in a chat room with him.” So great, the director of Metalocalypse now thinks I’m insane. Serves me right for having not asked before I wrote but why would my best friend lie?
HJ Bender – is an old fart and is just pissed off that the fandom forgot all about him. Since HJ calls himself an old fart I’m not sure how much he worried about that one.
Pied Crow – is delusional, bi-polar, suicidal, and Rei and Deani are desperate to get her out of Deani’s apartment. She is also destroying the Brutal Business comm. Oh scratch that, Rei LURVES her now but GOLLY they are just SO WORRIED about her mental health.
Yeah well Rei certainly did a number on MY mental health. BTW – that ALSO is something that can leak into reality and affect a person’s job, but, y’know, what do you care? Oh, and PC? That tingling you feel in your back? It’s a knife.
Crystallic Sky – apparently said she doesn’t give a shit what happens to Silv because she has real life “meat friends” to give a fuck about her.
Skwisguaarded – You’re delusional too.
Wikdsuski – you’re a troll who would try to start fights in BB. You may be delusional too, not sure. Most of Metal fandom appears to be delusional.
Red Lioness – oh this is a book and a half. To shorten it – Red and Silv had a fight. They ended their friendship. Silv got over it. Red got over it. I got over it. Especially since it had jack-all to do with me. I mean I was on Silv’s side because I thought what Red did was reprehensible but I got over it. This was in 2009. I’m not even sure anymore what the hell the fight was about, especially since, as I said, it had NOTHING to do with me.
Had nothing to do with Rei either but that has not stopped her from relentlessly stalking Red, obsessing over everything she’s done, getting people to leave posts on Fandom Secrets about her and posting shit about her characters on TV Tropes.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Main.RelationshipSue&more=t
That’s Rei, folks, read it and be amazed. Bet you had no idea she had it in her, did you? I sure as fuck didn’t. We’re talking a fight that had NOTHING to do with her that happened roughly three years ago but Rei is flat-out stalking her. Red can’t scratch her ass without Rei having fits.
See that is how I know all these little mysterious circumstances are Rei without having proof – it fits her MO perfectly. And if she will make a lifestyle out of relentlessly hunting a person who never did shit to her then *I* must have hidden microphones in the loo. And I know she’s trashing me here there and everywhere because she’s doing it to everybody she ever fucking MET. Are you in Metal fandom? Go read her Tumblr account. It’s Doktor Girlfriend. Check out the “fandumb” tag and find out what a loser you are. Are you in TF2? Go there and find out why you’re not allowed in HER fandom. Do you like My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic? OMG don’t you know you are like TOTALLY screwing up HER fandom by not liking it the way SHE does?! I don’t even have to LOOK for this stuff – people come and ASK me what her major malfunction is because I am supposed to be the BFF. Well folks it beats the hell out of me.
I tried for a really long time to be the bigger person, get over what she had done, and get on with my life. But every time I tried, I got another kick in the gut. I was devastated when she dumped me as a friend. It was a fist in the face and I didn’t have the first idea what I did. And as she’s trying to play the victim and get me to admit to doing all this shit to fuck up her life she STOPS and ASKS ME IF I WANT A FUCKING TINSEL WYRM. Why the FUCK would I give a shit about a goddamned pixellated wyrm while she’s telling me what a fucking monster I am and she’s ending our friendship? Unless she well and truly didn’t ever give a shit to begin with. Seems to me the worst thing you can do to Rei is like her.
She messed with my head, dropped me over nothing, she fucked up my chances with the publisher in England, hacked my Steam account, and now is trying to troll me off Tumblr. And you know what? I’ve fucking had it. Precious innocent baby girl can go straight to hell. And if you would like to talk to her about the things she has done and said, if you have crossed her path and then for some reason found out people were avoiding you, why you can find her on LJ as Dwarrow Child, or on DA as Rei-Hime, or Dreamwidth as Doktor Girlfriend. Oh and she’s Apple Bucking on MagiStream. But your best bet is on Tumblr under the name Doktor Girlfriend. Be sure to take lots of screen caps to preserve the magic before she wakes up, reads this and starts taking stuff down.
Oh and sunshine – I am serious as a heart attack about the note to daddy. Despite the fact that forcing you to get off the computer and take stock of your life would actually be doing you a favour. And yeah I should have said something earlier but I cared about you and was hoping you would work through whatever anger issues you were having and get over it. If I’d known things were as bad as they were I would have. As it is I find myself going to people and apologizing for having not known what shit you were pulling and letting you use me as a shield so no one would give your shiny pink ass the kicking it deserved. Well your latest little stunt was the last freaking straw and the roof is ripped off your pathetic little troll-hole. And BTW – all that original fiction I showed you? It’s registered with the Government of Canada Copyright department so if it shows up anywhere with anyone’s name on it but mine I will PERSONALLY show up and drag your squalling little bitch self by the crotch hairs into court.
In fact I almost hope you do. And NOW when you go around behind my back telling people that you are just EVER so scared of me… you got reason.
I would at this point almost be willing to pay someone to set this up for me.
Hairy Fishmess. People have told me I should get a Tumblr account. So I did. Now a whole new group of people can witness my techno-fail.